As parents, we have all found ourselves in situations with our kids where we need to repeat information for the third, fourth, or what feels like the hundredth time. Despite having had a prior conversation, we are met with blank stares and zero action.
In these moments, being a parent can feel frustrating and exhausting. Having to nag or be on repeat starts to feel discouraging.
The truth is, in most instances, kids are still learning how to process, digest, and act on the information they receive. They are not purposely ignoring you or avoiding tasks. They simply have not quite figured out how to manage emotions and direction yet.
By adjusting how you communicate with your kids, you may find that you will have more cooperation, improved listening, and create a stronger bond with them in the process.
Get Their Attention First
For starters, make sure you have their attention—kids are not good multitaskers yet.
Ensure you are making eye contact with them and receiving it back. Use their name to draw their attention in and to signal that this conversation is important. Position yourself close to them and physically lower yourself to be at eye level. All of these strategies will help improve focus.
Be Clear and Concise
As you talk, it is important to remember their level of comprehension. You want to be clear in your thoughts since they are not well-versed in reading between the lines.
Use short, simple sentences that are easier for them to process. Also, avoid giving too much information or too many instructions all at once, as over-explaining can lead to instant confusion and tuning out.
Use Positive Language
Kids respond more effectively to positive language. Instead of stating what you do not want in a given situation, say what you would like to see. Frame any requests you have as a polite ask rather than a threatening command.
Allow Them Time to Process
As mentioned, kids are not yet pros at processing information and emotion. When speaking to them, give them an appropriate amount of time to process. Provide direction, then pause for a moment to allow them time to respond.
Try to avoid being repetitive or jumping to assumptions too quickly, since this could encourage them to start tuning you out.
Provide Options and Choices
If you want to further promote listening and attention, you can give them some sense of control. When appropriate, allow them to make choices. You might give them options and ask their opinions. Feeling like they are part of the bigger picture will help them better engage and follow through.
Stay Calm
As a parent, your kids look up to you, even in the times when it does not feel like it. They model your behaviors, your tone, and your attitude.
If you want your kid to listen and be receptive, be calm and respectful. Avoid raising your voice. As soon as you start to yell, it becomes a power struggle. Rather than listening, they may go into defensive mode.
Make Connections Before You Correct
When the inevitable happens and you find yourself in the midst of conflict, acknowledge their feelings. If they feel heard and understood, it will open their ears and minds more than jumping straight to any correction or criticism. Be a guide for them to get to your desired outcome.
Working with a Professional
Communication is a skill that requires constant practice and readjustment. When you have to effectively communicate with a kid, it can be that much harder.
Working with a family therapist can help you navigate your situation so you and your kid can be on the same page and work towards desired outcomes. Interested in improving your family communication skills? Reach out to us to get started.